Spencer's Emails to Jack Frost
So every year I write an email to some big Christmas honcho. You know like Santa Claus or Rudolph, etc... But those jerks never write back. Well this year, I decided to write to Mr. Jack Frost. You know that guy from that famous Christmas song that goes: "Jack Frost nipping at your nose." And he responded! AWESOME. I cut and pasted our notes back and forth below.
Me:
Dear Mr. Jack Frost,
First Question: Why are you always nipping at people's noses? Nipping is like biting, right? So are you biting people's noses? Cuz that sounds disgusting. If you are actually biting people's noses, what do they taste like?
XO,
Spencer Shay
Jack:
Dear Mr. Shay,
Thanks for your letter. I always enjoy reading fan mail. Not many people like a guy who nips at noses. Everybody loves Rudolph because of his SHINY nose, but no one likes poor Jackie Frost. In response to your question, noses often taste different depending on if the person is sick or not. The best tasting nose I ever nipped tasted like calamari. The worst nose I've ever nipped tasted like gasoline.
Fondest Regards,
Jack
Me:
Dear Mr. Jack Frost,
I'm saddened by your response. If you ever need someone to run around and nip noses with, I'd be happy to join you. I once bit a toe and it was okay. I think I'll probably enjoy noses more.
<3,
Spencer
Jack:
Spencer, thank you for the kind offer, but I would rather work alone.
-Jack
Me:
J,
C'mon we're totally friends now. I REALLY want to nip noses with you. Think we could meet some hot Eskimo girls to nip at?
Your buddy,
Spence
Jack:
Spencer,
This conversation has taken a weird turn. I'm blocking your email account now. Please do not contact me again.
**So my conversation with Jack Frost didn't actually go as I planned, but I'm still excited he wrote back. Next year, maybe I'll try friending that freakish snowman.
